Disclaimer: There are different issues out there; while some of these verbal and non-verbal communication hacks have proven results, some people might struggle with the idea due to cultural, temprament and geographical differences.  

Major Pane Reflection Series: Part 1

Welcome to the series Major Pane Reflections, where I bring my reflections on the previous months. My goal is to help you live a purpose-driven life and for my male audience to unravel their uniqueness. 

It's not too late to say Happy New Month. It's 3months into 2022, and it feels like we've covered a whole 12 months. I have somewhat been keeping tabs on my months; I thought it's good I share some big learning curves I witnessed in February so you can pivot your life through this. 

In today's reflections, I'd be sharing some verbal and non-verbal communication hacks you can use to address relationship issues without fighting. 

Relationships can be very complex, especially making your partner understand your perspective on a particular issue. 

Interacial relationships like mine have alot of grounds that aren't common. We have two distinct childhood experiences, cultural appropriation, expectations etc. So it is normal to have misunderstandings that beg us to communicate our way towards an understandable ground. 

It is usual for you and your spouse to misunderstand each other, but what isn't normal is not building positive and uplifting ways to talk about your different perspectives without putting up a fight. 

Here are five communication Hacks to Address Relationship Issues Without Fighting. I am looking forward to your feedback.  

1. Focus on the Bigger picture;

We learnt how to constantly look at the bigger picture during our marriage counselling each time we have an argument.

When the heat is hot, it can be easy to forget why you are with the person, the texts and calls you made during the first phase, how they made you melt to pieces. 

The butterflies you felt in your stomach melts with the lava of anger, discouragement and even sadness. But you have to focus on the big picture.

Use these questions to focus on the Big Picture.

• How do you want the conversation to be? Exciting, sad?

• How do you want to spend the night? Happy, stupid?

You can take it further by reflecting on the past. This reminds you about the significance of the relationship.

• Can you remember your first date? What were the things you told yourself you'd never do to hurt the other person?

• Can you remember when you were single, curling in bed with loneliness? How does that feel? Do you want to feel that way again?

Having the end in mind will enable you to find the best ways to fashion your sentences and statements.

2. Play a soundtrack in your mind:

One weird trick I learnt, especially after taking an emotional intelligence course, is seeing that hot moment like you are in a movie where you get to choose your very own soundtrack.

Be your Dj; turn the music up in your mind to calm your nerves, to distract yourself from focusing on the negative words. 

Recenter your mind to what truly matters, i.e. being in the right frame of mind. 

How you choose to interpret your partner's words will determine the reaction or response you'd give. 

Check out this IG live I hosted a few months ago. “Constructive Ways to Speak about your emotions”

Embed: Constructive ways to speak about your emotion

3. Understand that every feeling fades away:

No doubt, when you are angry, your prefrontal cortex shuts off, letting your amygdala (primitive brain) take your body for a ride. 

This explains why some folks say, "I don't know what I thought when I did this. 

Thats true; they don't know what they were thinking. 

Understand that negative feelings always fade away, so the last thing you want is to create lingering mayhem that will eat you up later. 

A few minutes or hours later, the issue might not matter; your emotion will reset depending on what you do at that exact moment. 

This is where the fourth point comes in. 

Side note: Men, women are naturally emotional; they can be hyper-emotional during arguments—Set-up yourself for success by staying still. The shore remains unmoved no matter how much the ocean pours into the beaches. 

4. Explain how you feel using the “I” statement:

So you have had the end in mind, played your soundtrack, realize that this feeling will fade away, and you two need to take a precise few minutes/hours to cool off.

Let your partner know you feel using the I statement. "I know you mean well and looking after me. I feel sad because you aren't trying to understand my perspective.” 

Doing this further lets your partner know that you recognize their intention of "looking after you," but you'd appreciate it if they took it further to understand your perspective. 

Even though they aren't looking after you, saying this will reposition their mind to calm down, knowing fully well you are empowering them to fill up a needed gap. 

5. Give each other some space to think things through:

Depending on the issue, most times, after having these types of empowering verbal/non-verbal communication, it might be best to give your partner some time to collect their thoughts. 

Since you left each other at a favourable point, which lets both of you think positively about your intentions, one or both of you can seek ways to make it happen.

6. Secret tip: Practise makes perfect

Practise all the above hacks frequently, even when you are alone or when you and your partner are in the right mood. 

It will build your communication style into a unique fashion that will be second nature when things get hot. 

Side note: Men don't take meditations and mindfulness practices for granted. The more you get acquainted with these practices, the stronger you become when shit hits the fan. 

Wrap up

Blaming, cursing, and shouting doesn't solve anything. It only makes it worse. No doubt, some people are drawn to things like that. We sure know that doesn't work. 

Doing the above hacks will strengthen your relationship and build you independently. 

Share your thoughts on this article. Are there other powerful hacks you have been using? 

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