How I Met My Wife: Unique Ways To Navigate Online Dating
That look meant “I nailed it.” Ana feels same just pretending to be sipping wine.
I get asked this question alot "How did you meet your wife?" I laugh and say, "Online." The usual follow-up question is "How?"
Well, we matched.
I dedicated my last podcast to my wife because she proved to me that the abundance mentality rocks.
Here is how we met. Snippet from my last podcast, Mindset: The Tug of War
Does it seem like those who met their spouse on dating sites have some superpower you don't have?
47% of people have or know someone who has met a romantic partner on a dating app or website.
I know there are alot of dating coaches who specialize in this area. I am not trying to steal the show; I am just here to share my humble opinion on how a regular guy got a queen as his wife from a dating app called Hinge.
Download Hinge today; Apple Store, Google
Now that you've downloaded the app, you might want to be careful about your usage. Take a look at Hinge Safe Dating advice.
For Everyone Who's Ever Used A Dating App – Here's 18 Experiences You'll Surely Recognise. If you haven't been on a dating site, you might want to be watchful about all thats written there.
On MAJOR Fact about Dating App
Dating apps got created with good intentions; it's the app users who have bad intentions. Meeting someone on a dating app isn't any different than meeting them in a local pub.
No doubt, this increase your expectations, increase anxiety and place pressure on you.
Here are some top-of-the-head pros and cons of dating apps.
Pros
I. It breaks the ice for you:
Everyone knows the reason why they are on a dating site. It's not to find a praying partner or to make friends.
I remember meeting someone that said she was there for friendship, while another was there for a praying partner (I leave her up to God).
II. It filters the hale from the needle:
Use the dealbreaker option and other filters to relieve stress.
When I used dating apps, I placed my preference as Christian; the location was close to me and must be Filipino (I love Filipinos)
Cons
I. You can be Catfished any day, anytime:
34% of people have found out someone lied about their identity or been catfished
The new Netflix Movie Love Hard explains a lot about what catfish is and how painful it feels.
Some people don't look the way they are as Josh claims he does in the movie.
I got catfished one time. The photo on the girl's profile looked gorgeous; she came without make-up when she arrived on the date. She had no eyebrows.
It was so scary; I started thinking about the gas I wasted getting there.
II. It favours women more:
The guys reading this can attest that women get more matches than men. Remember the old school ladies' night in a club where ladies enter the club for free while guys have to pay their way in.
Dating apps are similar. It's now up to you as a man to either spend and keep getting shitty results or understand the basics, approach, and you will be fine whether you pay or don't.
What happens when you pay but don't have the mindset to hold the conversation or say you don't get the girl of your dreams?
Well, that's why I am writing this blog post for you.
III. Some girls are there for the validation:
27% of 18-34 year olds use dating apps/websites to boost their self-esteem.
Some people are sponges and leeches. They keep leading you on and won't convert to date or anything meaningful.
They will claim to be busy and don't have time to invest in the beginning phase. They are only curious to know how you feel about their looks, beauty, accomplishment and thats it.
If you can identify this type of folks on time, you are already a dating app champ.
Here is my humble opinion to you as you navigate online dating.
1. Activate the abundance mindset:
You want to approach dating apps knowing that many beautiful, brilliant, bright women/men are looking for you.
If this isn't your mindset, you will find yourself running after shafts, accepting crazy folks and looking down on yourself.
This mindset will keep you calm, confident, coordinated, least anxious, and laser-focused on getting nothing but the best.
When you match with anyone, ask yourself, "If I got introduced to this person by a friend, would I continue with the match."
Whatever your answer will determine if you are in a hurry to get off the app in a hurry or are genuinely there to get the best.
The last thing you want is to encourage chats that don't vibe with you or flow with you because you are scared that you will never meet someone better.
2. Be yourself, don't be extra:
I mean, you sure want to arrive on your date with your eyebrows. Being yourself is beyond knowing who you are but what you want.
Are you clear about the person you want to attract? This clarity helps you navigate the app.
You would feel confident telling people right off the bat, "this won't work; I wish you the best". You won't feel regretful about this.
A relationship is a crucial aspect of your well-being; you don't want to be with anyone or manage someone. It would be best if you had someone that accepts you for who you are.
Speaking of looks, if you think that how you look is different from how you are in the picture on your profile, I guess that ghosting you would be inevitable.
My recommendation would be to dress even better than how you look in your photos for the first date. But ensure that you are genuinely living the life you are uploading.
People know and see when you are lying. They don't tell you.
3. Collect, Collect, Select:
25% of online dating users are talking to 4-5 contacts at the same time.
I am not advocating for serial dating, but I learned this as I was in the app.
I noticed that when you have that one match, you feel thats the end of everything. Don't be too quick to celebrate, not until you meet them in person and the first date went smoothly.
To avoid dating fatigue, you have to start from the right
What you want is to allow them to qualify themselves by investing a reasonable amount of time chatting on the app with these folks.
When the time comes to give out your number, you'd know.
4. Take it slow to have the best flow:
Being in a hurry is a sure sign that something isn't right. Honestly, I know what this sounds weird. Formerly, I was this fast kind of guy; little did I know that it was a red flag.
I learnt the hard way after wasting gas, emotionally investing in the wrong folks and being ghosted.
You want to be clever rather than fast. Smartness will tell you when to hit the pedal or when to take it slow and STOP.
When I matched with my wife, I made sure I didn't rush the process because I had learned from a previous experience.
I took some time chatting on Hinge with her; then, we exchanged numbers.
I asked her if she was comfortable with a phone call.
After speaking and ensuring that everything was OK, I asked if she was OK with a video call.
Doing this gave us some sense of comfort and time to evaluate if we wanted to proceed or not.
I am not saying seeing the next day after your match isn't a great idea, but imagine if you rush it and it doesn't work? If I had rushed her, we wouldn't be in the clear headspace needed for a healthy relationship.
Wrap up
OK, you've done all I have said, but it's still not working. Sometimes, deleting the app could be the best option for you because you need to live a life, get a variety of experiences and invest in yourself.
I have been on Hinge three times in my life. I deleted it, spent months away from dating apps and redownloaded it again.
There was a massive difference in my comeback, my approach, my confidence, my perception.
Not everyone reading this will find a spouse online; some will meet one person that will shape their approach to life, and that’s a big takeaway.
So calm down, and don't forget your mental health is a priority. Nobody wants to date an empty vessel.
Good luck with meeting your spouse online if that's your fate.
If you haven't listened to my latest podcast, listen here;
