4 Dark Realities of Unfaithfulness
Many men think the word “Faithfulness” is perfection. Many people use external factors like interference from their spouses and family to justify unfaithfulness, claiming it's due to unmet needs.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were faithful to someone or something, and the moment it didn’t go the way you wanted, you promised yourself to be unfaithful in the future? It could be in a relationship, at work, with your family, or with yourself.
Unfaithfulness slows a man down; it is like a thick curtain that separates him from actualizing the persona he is designed to be. Unfaithfulness encourages premature growth and celebrates cancerous characters with ambitious hope that builds narcissistic tendencies.
Unfaithful men often expect those around them to be faithful. The audacity is friengthening.
No school teaches faithfulness, but many schools of thought promote unfaithfulness. Culture, on the other hand, rewards unfaithful behaviour because many would instead embrace the idea of living in a nonstop chase of this thrill that leads to something worse than death.
Let’s explore the dark sides of unfaithfulness; you might be exhibiting these tendencies.
Unaccomplished goals and ambitions
Unfaithfulness corrupts your inner core. It is a poison that sips into the bloodstream and transforms your DNA into something you aren’t.
You get hijacked by intrusive thoughts; you live on a whim of emotions and lose control like a drunk man led by the spirit in the liquor.
On the one hand, you might be living your best life as you go on adventures; on the other hand, your life might burn like a candle.
Unfaithfulness prevents you from actualizing your dreams because you are committed to none. You can argue that many successful people are unfaithful; we see their end, which usually ends in shame and regret.
The sad part is the dreams and ambitions of those around you being impacted by your unfaithfulness, especially if you are in a leadership position.
Imagine being that one person who is giving people a template of disaster and shame.
If your perspective doesn’t change from the outside to within, you won’t see the need to be faithful to honing your skills, acting on your purpose, and living intentionally, which influences the world around you for good.
Who you become is the most crucial part of your goals and ambitions. If you are unfaithful deep inside, you will become a shadow of yourself and, most times, stay alive to live under the skin you hate the most.
The skeletons in the cupboard can suffocate your relationship
A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. (1) It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.(2)
You might have encountered this guy who hides and lies. He secures his phone and laptops with passwords to hide the skeletons. Deep down, you know what he is doing is wrong, yet you cheer and celebrate his cowardice.
You might be doing the same, thinking you define what it takes to be a man. Yes, an “unfaithful man.”
Men who cheat don't dare to admit their infidelity, causing trauma to others. Owning up can help prevent this.
Of course, you find it hard because you will be judged, cursed, left, broken, ignored. So you get to run when no one pursues you. When your partner is on your phone, your heart races as you have no idea what they may find.
Unfaithful men aren’t taken seriously
Making up excuses is the best way to remain untrue and cowardly. Living in the dark might be exciting, but it is constrained, as that same energy inserted in the right motives will get you to live the best life.
A cancerous family DNA
I have seen people who are more faithful to their friends than their family. This is not only disgusting but also highly disgraceful. This misaligned value can impact a family's dynamics and increase strife among siblings and parents.
As a man, everyone looks at you as a role model regardless of age—although the older, the better. If you are a parent, your demonstration of unfaithfulness is like a cancer in the family's DNA.
Ever wonder what happens to the children who are caught in infidelity or absentee parents? We see it in the news: the robbery, killings, kidnapping. Most perpetrators are broken; if you don’t know, “broken people break things.
Infidelity, as demonstrated by King David with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:5), not only sleeping with her but killing her husband Uriah. This brought a curse upon David’s household.
2 Samuel 12:10-12
So now the sword will never depart from your house. For you have despised me by taking the wife of Uriah the Hittite as your own!
This is what the Lord says: ‘I am about to bring disaster on you from inside your own household!
Right before your eyes I will take your wives and hand them over to your companion. He will have sexual relations with your wives in broad daylight!
Although you have acted in secret, I will do this thing before all Israel, and in broad daylight.
Below are a few follow-up accounts of what happens in David’s household;
Amnon, Davids's son, became love sick of his sister Tamar and raped her.
Absalom, another son of David, got furious and murdered Amnon.
Absalom slept with David's concubines in the presence of everyone, fulfilling the curse.
Absalom tried taking over David’s kingdom and enacted an insurrection, causing David to flee.
Absalom was killed, which is another fulfilment of the curse
and it goes on and on.
Unfaithfulness creeples the man who killed Goliath and destroys him with his hands. We all know someone living with the consequences, as stated above.
Inconsistency excites you
Imagine that someone promised to deliver an essential package to your house the following day but didn’t show up. There were no calls or texts. The next day, you see them and ask about their promised package. They mentioned that they didn’t make any promises. How would you feel?
It’s sad to see fathers who would respond faster than 911 to their friends' demands but not to their children’s needs. They are more intimate with distractions than with the meaningful things in their lives.
Everyone around us trusts us to show up for them and to their expectations, depending on our role in their lives. Not showing up and not being aware of their expectations is a significant blow and proves how inconsistent we are.
When you are inconsistent,
You aren’t true to yourself and your values
You disrespect yourself
Take those around you for granted
No one likes unfaithfulness. Even those who are unfaithful cry foul whenever they are being cheated by an unfaithful partner.
Wrap up
Unfaithfulness is a plague. The older I get, the more I realize that unfaithfulness is a choice. Unfaithfulness can grow from tiny personal things like not committing to your goals to disrespecting yourself and not committing to your healthy relationship values, which negatively impact your life.
Are you faithful in being unfaithful?
The same energy you are channelling into unfaithfulness, I urge you to channel them into faithfulness so you can prosper and excel.
Let me know what stood out for you in this article.
What do people do, say, and feel when they have affairs? Associations between extradyadic infidelity motives with behavioral, emotional, and sexual outcomes. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. 2021;47(3):238-252. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2020.1856987
Why do married people cheat? Motivations for extramarital affairs are vast and can vary by gender
