21 - Tribute To The Fathers
Major Pane Resource:
Online course for men: Unravel Your Uniqueness
Referenced Articles:
Statistics on Fatherless Children in America
The High Costs of Family Violence
The Importance of a father in a child's life
Weekly Devotional: Our Father in Heaven
What does it mean when God said, “Let Us make man in Our image” (Genesis 1:26)
Episode sponsor
This episode is brought to you by my online course "Unravel your uniqueness" check out the description to use the link. I usually give a 100% code every month.
My goal is to ensure men access resources that will transform them.
Major Pane Podcast Show Notes
So fathers day is over. To some people, it's until next year they will sit to reflect on the importance of fathers, or even send that text or make that post on social media.
While to others, it could be a day of pain as their father was the source of their pain and trauma.
I'm sorry if the latter is your situation. For me, father's day is every day.
I live with the thoughts of my father every day, not only because I am a man but because I understand the importance of a man's presence in a home and society.
I see society paint men as sinful because a selected few misrepresents the collective. There was little to no restoration in enlightening men to do better or become better men.
Society quickly put a negative label on masculinity, blaming it for every toxic behaviour tagging it "toxic masculinity."
The word toxic masculinity, I find, doesn't do justice to masculinity. It doesn't define or address the issue. It only tags a particular behaviour that can be found just anywhere.
There is toxic feminity. Why don't we see that as headline news? Oh no, because they say women are victims, right?.
No doubt statistics say so, but we can't ignore the countless men who get victimized daily.
Toxic people exist in general. That's life, and there are moral standards meant to address it.
Unless society had a different plan, we aren't aware—a plan to break the first area of socialization which is the family.
Could it be that the plan was to overthrow men and make them second-class citizens using Marxist tools, philosophies and ideologies that breed destruction to the institution of a home?
I wonder what your thoughts are because this so-called female empowerment gave rise to a toxic version of feminism that is now repeating the havoc they claim to be addressing.
There has to be a leader in a home, and women aren't designed to lead.
I am not discrediting the fantastic women who find themselves in situations where they have to act as a father and a mother. For example, a single mother.
I am the best person to talk about these topics because I come from a single mother's home.
I can say that women desire to lead, but they aren't wired to do so in certain areas. They may make great CEOs, managers, supervisors, and team leaders, but they don't make great men.
I am not surprised to see that "strong independent woman" saying,
"She doesn't want to be strong and independent again; rather, she wants to be a housewife or just a responsible woman who understands her strengths and is willing to build a family?"
Yes, there is nothing wrong with saying that you want to build a family.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with saying that you want to live life and fulfill God's purpose, which is you doing what you want to do and being a human, living, building a family, and sacrificing.
Like all these things are so hard to talk about these days.
Talking about statistics on fatherless children in America.
In an article at Live about.com a referenced research stated that approximately 35% of children under 18 live in a single-parent home as of 2016.
As many as 25 percent of children in the US live in households with a mother alone. That is over 18 million children who do not live with a father figure.
Men who grew up with absent fathers were more likely to become absent fathers. They also found that women who grew up with absent fathers are more likely to have children with absent fathers.
This is a toxic circle you can choose to break if you want to. It's easy to blame someone else for your situation, but what will you do to get out of that situation?
Through enlightenment and becoming intentional about desiring a better life, a better future will make you achieve something you are proud of.
Surprisingly, each of us pays one way or the other for one man's misbehaviour.
Did you know that the cost of spousal violence in Canada in 2009 was estimated to be $7.4 billion. This amounted to $220 per Canadian.
What if we decide to spend that money elsewhere. On ourselves in education, preparedness, awareness?
Pediatric Associates of Franklin talks about the Importance of a Father in a Child's Life. Check out the description of the full article.
The article said fathers, like mothers, are pillars in developing a child's emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them; they look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional.
Now, talking about fathers, let me tell you my life story.
The story of my father
Some of you don't know that I lost my dad 24 years ago when I was seven years old. It was rough growing up in a world without a father figure.
Unique details about my father are vivid, like we were together yesterday. I remember him leading morning devotion singing his favourite hymn in a powerful baritone voice that vibrates the house.
I remember him reading from Psalms. He told us a strange story he told us about one child who ate the food of another during lunch. The child felt sick and started vomiting; he vomited worms.
He had told us this story to stress the importance of not eating someone else food rather than the one they gave us as our lunch.
I remember he would shave on our balcony with his special shaving stick using his mobile mirror.
I hung out with him from time to time. Sometimes, he would place me on his shoulder; I was so afraid because of the height.
He was a hefty man. I am not up to his height and weight.
He was feared in the neighbourhood because of how he carried himself. He never allowed anyone to use the pathway of our compound to cross to the next.
He was damn security conscious, like some John Wick in his previous life or something.
There was this big dagger I saw in his drawer. It was like a mini-machete. I tried doing some crazy stuff with it, and oh boy, that thing was sharp.
My dad was an avid reader. He filled his room with books. I remember he had a subscription with some publication in the states who would ship books to him from time to time, so his room was like a library.
I came across philosophy and psychology. I even saw some metaphysical books with drawings, charts and various titles.
One book that struck me had the content of how the devil takes over someone's body. I got fascinated with this book. I would look at the images and read some pages trying to understand what it was saying.
Another book that caught my attention was "Why you act the way you do." That book was my first exposure to the topic of "personality."
This was me in the 5-6 years of my life. I wish I had an actual conversation with him to learn the great things he knew. And who knows, maybe that's why I am also interested in these topics and curious to learn, thereby chasing and digesting the materials related to Psychology, Philosophy, theology and the likes.
My mum told me she met my dad at work i.e the bank. She said he was a hot cake. He had women melting like ice cream in the summer.
She also said that their manager had her eyes on him, resulting in her making work difficult for my mum because my dad had his eyes on her.
Each time I flashback to my dad, one significant lesson stood out;
My dad brought structure into my life:
This is one component I can never forget. The structure in hard work, discipline, and showing up as a man in protecting your own.
While growing up, we had no choice but to act right because he gave us structure. When we returned from school, we ate, slept for a while, then woke up to do our assignment before dinner. We go to bed by 10 pm.
It's not negotiable. You dare not complain, but we always looked forward to Friday night because we had the privilege to stay longer that night watching movies.
My dad ensured he reflected the masculine attributes needed to keep the home together.
He instilled morals into our being by teaching us how to be well respected, behaved, Godly, and intelligent.
He saw the home as the first level of socialization; if we didn't get it right, we wouldn't get it right anywhere.
My dad was damn strong; I saw him lift unimaginable things at my age. He climbed incredible heights. He just did some things that made me wonder what manner of man is he.
As I mentioned earlier about his library, he created a standard for us to become young scholars. He challenged us to come home with good grades and be excellent in all we do.
He was self-sponsoring himself through university. I heard he got a scholarship to the states, but he couldn't make it because he didn't have enough funds and his eldest sister, who happened to be the wealthiest in the family at that time, refused to sponsor him.
Well, everything happens for a reason. I remember he showed up to protect us when our teachers poorly treated us.
Some people laugh at me that I don't know much about my culture. I realized he was protecting my family from a million things I had no idea.
The death of my father
Now imagine all this taken away due to his death. We were pretty much naked. People expected us to be out of order, disrespectful, weak, immoral, lazy, and unprotected.
At this point, I realized why he was so protective of us. He knew his family more than we knew.
This was the part they got wrong. My other father, the one who is the father of the fatherless, husbands to the widows, showed up.
He stepped in, and we felt his presence all around.
When my dad passed, we were so scared we would see his ghost. We had placed a big mattress in the living room where we camped for months. My mother shared a vision she had shortly before my dad's burial.
She shared that she saw a male image on white; she couldn't see his face, but he had a white robe, and his hands stretched towards us as we were sleeping. She said that was Jesus. She felt so much love and protection on seeing the image rather than fear or fright.
The vision showcased how protected we are from the evil forces as we go to the valley of the shadow of death, "my village and life in general."
Right in the village, I wouldn't say I liked how my mother got treated by some people from my father's family.
They were harsh, inhumane, and demanded some cruel things I wouldn't share on this podcast. My mother has strong Christian values, she refused, and they could not proceed with their evil plans.
On the burial day, it dawned on me that this was real when I got asked to throw some earth on the coffin. I was very optimistic that he was coming back.
On our return, life wasn't the same. We thought it would be worse, but it turned out better.
My mother filled the role of an earthly father asap.
She was still an undergraduate; we would study together, dream, plan, and execute projects as a family.
As young as I was, I was exposed to life's issues quickly. I saw how crucial resilience is in anyone's life.
My mother told me "I am the daddy of the house" she installed this imagery and role into my head from the onset that everything I do she reminded me of my responsibility.
What I needed to do was take my mental pen and paper and study what she is doing and how she was doing it. She was excited to fill me in on how to plan, execute and do the needful as to what any man would do in his home.
God provided connections and resources for us beyond our imagination.
Soon after, my mother established an ice cream business after a series of petty businesses here and there. She employed some boys to sell for her. I still remember the bicycles and the records we kept after they dropped them off at the end of the day.
I remember one time, we had a situation where money was miraculously appearing from nowhere. Money was multiplying in the house.
Thanks to the outlandish men who came in to help my mum. They acted as our fathers. They cared for, taught, encouraged, and supported us through thick and thin.
I currently have many fathers from different places—men who have invested in my life voluntarily and non-voluntarily. They did everything within their human strength to help.
I learnt how not to replace man with God. I had to tell myself that they were simply doing what they are called to do.
I only needed to worship the creator, not the created.
As young as I was, my eyes got fixed on God. He was unmoved, unchanged, and His values and character were outlandish.
This is where the whole idea of unique masculinity started coming in.
How does this concern you?
You don't have to be a biological father before understanding the importance of a father and practicing Fatherhood.
Why aren't many men positioning themselves to be a father?
Probably, they are scared, or it could be that they have no idea what Fatherhood entails.
Another perspective is that they had no one to model it to them.
Who is a father?
While the dictionary would say, a father is a male parent.
A male gender who is biologically related to you, I argue that there is more to this.
The Bible helps us understand the definition of Fatherhood and who a father is, especially since we look up to our Heavenly Father for everything.
In my online course Unravel your Uniqueness, I have a topic focusing on Fatherhood. In the topic, I had shared that any male can be a father,
As seen in the case of adoption, adoption has spiritual ramifications.
2 Corinthians 6:18: "And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty."
Jesus here is putting himself forward to be our father; we don't have to fight for it, just as how we never fought over being delivered into this world by our biological father.
I am about to go spiritual right now, so sit back and pray that the Holy Spirit to help you interpret what I am about to say.
In a 2021 Father's Day article written on Grand Canyon University titled "Our Father in Heaven," the writer Molly Howard quoted - Ephesians 1:5-6
"He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will — to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves."
Having a heavenly Father means that we are a part of the family of God. Through Jesus, we can receive eternal life and adoption into God's family. This comes with many implications. As God's children, we know that we are loved by Him.
Family is a Heavenly construct—everyone, male or female, desires to be included. The devil has successfully lied to people that they aren't included resulting in severe confusion about their existence.
I am here to tell you that your existence wasn't a mistake as a man. It was intentional, deliberate, and on purpose by God to make you.
In Jeremiah 1:5; God said, "before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you"
In Genesis 1:26, when God created Heaven and earth, he said, "Let us create man in our own image."
Got question, the Christain website that provides biblical, applicable, and timely answers to spiritually related questions through an internet presence, answered the question; What does it mean when God said, "Let Us make man in Our image."
Having God's image means we are fashioned to resemble and represent God on the earth. Some Christians like to say we are "imagers of God." Our likeness with God is not a physical resemblance. Instead, God's likeness denotes our capacity to rule over creation and be in relationship with God and other humans and to exercise reason, intelligence, speech, moral consciousness, creativity, rationality, and choice. Since the beginning of time, God has desired to bless us and enjoy close fellowship with us, and for this reason, He made us like Himself.
Creation shows us the perfect relationship between God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The Bible also highlights the masculine nature of the God-head by using a male pronoun. He/Him/His.
The devil, as we know, isn't feminine either thats why every man needs to take his life alot more seriously.
A million things happened in the Garden of Eden thats why we will go back to Eden in the next episode of my podcast.
If Jesus can choose us to be His sons and daughters, if adoption can make non-biological folks become the father to someone, then you can father a child without being the biological parent.
What does this type of Fatherhood entail?
1. Stretching those around to evolve:
This component is one thing I notice why people don't like men. They say men are too strict, unfair, highly competitive and so on.
We can see no doubt that as society has tried creating a fair game for everyone, it has made life more miserable.
Life wasn't designed to be fair. It got designed for you to evolve. Fatherhood is the tool used to stretch you and mould you into who you need to be.
Fathers give you that sense of security that everything is okay. It is okay to make mistakes, everything will be fine.
Fathers are default coaches that propel you to stay on course.
Whatever you do, do not outsource your role as a father to anyone else. Too bad many men are doing this. Oh, his teacher will take care of him, his mum will do it, and his friends will tell him.
Like seriously?
When you look at the pattern of our Heavenly Father, "God," you realize that He is so concerned about your future that He chastens you, as Hebrews 12:6 says.
2. This type of Fatherhood Cares about people's future:
As God is so concerned about our future, we are to do the same unto others.
I care about the future of those around me. If you know me, you'd know that I seek the best in people and bring out the best in them.
I am excited to see others win and do all I can to ensure they succeed. To me, if they win, everyone wins. There is no loser unless the person possesses an inactive dream.
I grew up watching many of my friends lose their fathers. I don't know about you, but many people grew up the same way, without a father. Either he left intentionally or by natural law (death)
A young boy without a father will look up to other male figures as I did to the men around me when my dad was absent.
To you listening to this podcast, someone is looking up to you as a father; you may or may not know him, but thats for sure.
How you are living your life will determine how they will live theirs. If you chase a bright future, they will do the same.
3. This type of Fatherhood Invest in people:
Human capital is what keeps the world going. People, by design, are instruments—instruments to an organization, tools to the family, you are an instrument to God.
We are God's instrument of peace, and we are to devote ourselves to him to be used in healing the earth and transforming the world.
You, as a man, need to position yourself to invest in the lives of others. While caring for them, you must invest time, money, resources, and ideas into their lives.
Ask them what it is that they are working on. What are their aspirations for the future?
Do you know something that will be of help to them? If yes, then share resources with them that will bless their lives.
4. This type of Fatherhood Protect people:
A father wouldn't let anything happen to his child. I don't know if you are the type of person who would watch someone getting hurt or going towards the path that'd hurt them, and you chill without giving caution or warning?
Protection is very broad. It is not just physical protection; there is emotional protection, social protection, financial protection, spiritual protection and so on.
You can equip people with the tools to protect themselves by letting them into your life to see what principles you have used to protect yourself.
Wrap up
I created this podcast not to share my opinion but to give Godly counsel. These counsels don't romance anyone; they may not sound woke, dope or exciting.
I understand not everyone vibes with what is shared. That's okay.
Fortunately, this counsel has preserved lives, saved homes and will continue to do so. My goal isn't to seek human approval but chase my obedience to God.
If you like what this podcast stands for. If you learnt something new in this episode, kindly comment your thoughts, and share this with someone.
Let's build unique men together.
