How Single Mothers Can Raise Responsible Men
Disclaimer: This article is my very own opinion. I am not discrediting or invalidating anyone's feelings or experiences. I grew up in a single mom's home, and I am writing from my experience alongside principles I have grown up to know. My eldest sister made a significant contribution to this article alongside my mum who did a great job raising me up into a responsible man. Thanks love.
The article is lengthy; take your time reading; you don't have to finish it in one day. Grab your tea, read and bookmark it.
I know mothers day is just a few days away in Canada, "May 8," so say this is an early entry to appreciate mothers and empower them to continue impacting the lives of those around them.
Could the rise of fatherlessness rise be because young men don't get appropriately groomed?
Undoubtedly, everyone needs a father and mother to teach them the ways of life. A father and a mother possess different worldviews and experiences that can help shape a child into a world wonder or none other.
I keep hearing of a cheap excuse from some toxic men saying that they are such a disappointment to themselves because they didn't have a father.
I also hear some single moms place this reason in the front yard of their lives, claiming victim and never accepting that they had all it takes to raise a responsible man who would make a difference in society.
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Children can experience short- and long-term negative consequences when their parents divorce.
Here is an in-depth guide from Milavetz Law.
Every time I see a single mother, the first thing that comes to my mind is that "she is the mother of many nations." Her son will rise to wipe off her tears, heal her sorrows and build a home she'd be proud of.
I know how nerve-racking it is to raise a child, howbeit a male one, without the presence of a father.
My mother was a single mum as I lost my dad when I was 7years. I knew her hardship, from having many suitors to false friends making empty promises.
I fully understand the temptations, pressure, and craziness single mothers face. I also know it's on a case-to-case basis, so I am not basing this article on everyone's case but on sharing my truth.
Here are nine (9) ways single mothers can raise responsible men.
1. Let him know the results of each action (accountability):
Many men lack empathy because they weren't held accountable while growing up.
Now I am grown up, in retrospect, I can boldly say that my mother's discipline style isn't in action but words. My dad was the action master (haha)
My mother knows how to use her words to humble you. She asks questions that'd position you in a reflection mode even as a child.
Whenever we do something wrong, she goes;
I hope you know how what you are doing will affect my happiness. Do you want mum to be unhappy?
On hearing this, you begin to reason the implication of your actions. The last thing any reasonable child wants is to make their parents unhappy, causing them to retrace their steps and apologize.
He should understand the power of accountability. When he attains certain positions in life, he will think broadly about the impact of his actions.
2. Constantly advise and reassure him:
When you provide closeness, they won’t search it elsewhere.
My eldest sister of two shared this with me. I can boldly attest that I can actively listen/coach folks because my mother installed these values into my soul.
She always advised using realistic scenarios. Watching her translate a particular situation into a life lesson made me realize how important it is to learn from every situation and not take it at face value.
Whenever we failed or didn't get something right, she took her time to reassure us.
She would either quote scripture or share some wins we've had in the past, assuring us that there is hope.
When this young man becomes a fully grown man, he will understand the importance of motivating others.
3. Introduce your male child to Life skills:
My eldest sister dropped this point. What is life without Life skills?
No matter who you are, cooking, cleaning, serving, and communicating are the essentials of life.
Take a look at this article.
ALMOST HALF OF UK'S SINGLE MEN WASH THEIR BED SHEETS JUST ONCE EVERY FOUR MONTHS, STUDY FINDS
I guess that these men might be looking handsome and well dressed, but their beds are suffering.
Nothing hurts introducing men when they are young to house chores. I got introduced to house chores at a younger age.
I did dishes, swept, and cleaned the washroom, and I am still doing so to date.
I didn't lose my manhood but gained more respect from my wife. If my wife goes on a trip today, I can survive, care for the house and look more handsome on top.
I understand that mothers love their sons. They fear he might hurt himself while doing one chore or the other. Denying this opportunity prevents him from activating his masculine traits.
The masculine trait of adventure starts from wanting to be involved in house chores, helping, caring, protecting, providing and lots more.
Allowing him to serve through house chore and other life skills translate into a more significant value the young man will build on when he grows older.
He will also understand the importance of house chores and appreciates it whenever Someone serves him a cup of cold water.
4. Teach him how to communicate:
The sharper his Communication skills the farther his progress
This life skill is where many single mothers struggle. Yes, he isn't the same gender as you, but does he have lips? If yes, then she can teach him how to communicate.
The framework to live by is "What is the ideal expectation of human communication. i.e both verbal and non-verbal communication”
Teach him how to say please, thank you, excuse me, I'm sorry. Below are what will happen when he learns these powerful words.
Please: This limits the tree of pride growing inside of him.
Thank you: He will value the effort of others
Excuse me: He will respect others.
I'm sorry: oh, this is a big one. Many men would instead get struck by lightning than say, I'm sorry.
She can go further into showing him how to express himself by encouraging him to be vulnerable when needed.
Check out this podcast episode: Maculine Vulnerability with Theophilus Zhuang
5. Tell him the truth:
A boy who knows the truth grows into a man who stands up for truth always.
Pastor Bert from Athey Creek, in his monthly men's meeting "Ironworks," always advises men to teach their children the truth. I think it applies to everyone, most especially single mothers.
If you don't tell him the truth, he will grow up to hate you. It's pretty much you kissing all the years of hardship goodbye.
I have seen some women twist the breakup/divorce story to make themselves look better so that the young man will hate their father. Often this backfires.
She should tell him the truth and speak about your lessons right off the bat. The young man will appreciate being truthful and see the world from a better perspective.
Equip him with great values.
6. Pair him up with a male mentor:
Yes, a single mother might not have her partner with her doesn't mean all men are evil.
Associations are significant in the life of a man. Boys by design love moving in cliques. They learn from each other, both good and bad behaviour.
Since he doesn't have a male figure directly in the house, his friends will become the next go-to for advice.
This can lead to a grave mistake. She needs to find a more prominent male, single or married, who exhibits a healthy value system to coach and mentor the young man.
The Book of Samuel talked about Hannah desperately wanting a child and promising she would give the child to God. She had Samuel and took him to the tabernacle to serve as an apprentice to Eli.
While Samuel stayed with Eli, God spoke to him. Samuel grew up to be a prominent messenger to the Lord, and he was known to have an upright character.
I can't count how many fathers I have today. I grew up surrounded by men with whom my mum had a close friendship. They exhibited great values, and I learned from them.
Some of which I spent some time with them serving and just learning.
7. Associate with a healthy family:
Thanks to my eldest sister for this vital point.
Following the previous point, a single mother needs to be surrounded by a healthy family for her mental health and her child's future.
Seeing the ideal definition will teach him great things he didn't get to know, witness, understand or experience.
When he sees husband and wife expressing love, he understands that it's possible to have a brilliant relationship. It's not a fairy tale.
In my latest podcast episode, Shawn Witton talked about the value of association for every man.
8. Live in a peaceful neighbourhood:
While my sister was discussing with me, she mentioned this topic. I researched it, and I found an article that expanded on this topic.
Attention Parents: Your Neighborhood Matters More Than You Do
The article shares the findings from two research, and the result from the research stated that "The earlier a family moved to a good neighbourhood, the better the children's long-run outcomes."
I can attest to this; while growing up, I noticed the pattern of those who grew up in a lousy neighbourhood becoming more aggressive and irresponsible but those who went to bad schools.
Before we start complaining about rent and financial difficulty, I firmly believe that it is possible if you desire and plan towards this.
9. Adjust your lifestyle:
He is watching you—everything you do.
"Kids remember what they caught rather than taught." - Pastor Bert
If a single mother genuinely wants the best for her son, she has to adjust her lifestyle for good.
She'd need to deny herself certain pleasures to model a great example.
Now I am a man; I can boldly say my mother taught me how to be a better man by showing me how to resist temptation, control my anger, be truthful, transparent, hardworking, steadfast, relentless, and much more.
Wrap up
A single mother is a veteran. She is Someone who has been through alot and desires something better. If she has a male child, she can mould him into a better man through her life experiences.
She knows where her partner lacks in communication, provision, understanding, romance, taking the lead and much more. Now is her chance to groom a man who should have all her partner didn't have.
Are there other points you think should be on this list? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section.
