Unique Masculinity: The Cure to Gender-Based Violence
I have observed that gender-based violence headlines come and go like a wave over the years.
There is some season where every headline carries a significant defect on masculinity; shortly, those headlines disappear, and we never get to talk or address the crisis until we wake to another GBV news.
This time someone close, someone precious to our heart.
We begin to wonder if we have the power to stop it before it happens.
The answer is “Yes.”
GBV affects you whether you agree or not. An article at Economic Impact of Spouse Violence in Canada says alot.
We get affected by the ripple effect of Gender-based violence. Here are some stats snapshots;
Victim costs ($6.0 billion) accounted for the largest proportion (80.7%) of the total economic impact for cost items such as medical attention, lost wages, lost education, the value of stolen/damaged property, and pain and suffering.
The majority ($5.5 billion) of the economic impact of spousal violence in 2009 were in the form of intangible costs borne by victims (pain and suffering and loss of life) and their family members (loss of affection and enjoyment).
the emotional destabilization that creates a falsehood of marriage to young adults
the juvenile behaviours of the victims' children
You might be living in a fenced house, minding your business; suddenly, one person's broken home might break into your own home, robbing you of your peace.
The peace the thief never grew up to know.
There are many factors and perspectives we can take this conversation, but I want to narrow it to you as a man "how you, a unique man, can cure Gender-Based Violence."
The sad reality is that we might laugh and curse at the perpetrator, but in our lives, when no one is watching, we might influence some abuses we don't know about or arent aware of.
On March 31st, I got invited by Abode Community Centre to talk about Breaking the Bias of GBV within Relationships Through Positive Masculinity.
Here is a glimpse of how GBV expresses itself.
What makes a man abuse a woman?
The answer is simple "Power."
The measure of a man is what he does with power - Plato.
Men are naturally stronger than women physically. If the man has an economic advantage, he is likely also to exhibit power over the finances of his home or relationship.
What you do with your power as a man is what differentiates between abuse and empowerment.
Religiously speaking, from a Christian lens, we believe that the man is the head. We are quick to quote Ephesians 5: 22, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife..."
We forget that the next word goes, "for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Saviour."
Many men only quote the part that suits their evil intention and leave out the other verse that holds them accountable.
Just further down the same verse is Ephesians 5:25-30
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
30 for we are members of his body
If many men hold onto Ephesians 5:25-30 as much as they hold onto Ephesians 5:22, I believe the rate of Gender-Based Violence perpetrated by men will reduce significantly.
I believe Unique masculinity is the cure for Gender-Based Violence. If you are just hearing about this terminology, my first podcast episode was on this topic.
If you haven’t listened to the episode, here is it.
What is unique masculinity?
This is another dimension of masculinity. It is the hybridization of healthy masculinity with the understanding of toxic masculinity.
It is an ever-evolving aspect that allows any male to self-access himself and practises extreme patience through meticulous self-development processes.
Unique masculinity is another realm of dominance that needs intentionality to unlock.
Many men aren't permitting themselves to evolve. They are stuck with crude paradigms and self-conflict that disrupt their self-image.
How to use Unique masculinity to cure gender-based violence
Establish your core values:
Values are a vital part of manhood. Being a man with exceptional values will drive you into becoming a globe changer.
You hold yourself accountable to values that bring forth life and stability to your life, howbeit your home and community.
What aspects of your culture might not be serving you well? Identify it and break from it.
Sometimes we take culture as the main component of life, unknown that what might be culturally proper might be legally wrong. Not to mention, the same thing might be spiritually flawed.
Good values cut across cultural, societal, and spiritual grounds.
2. Call it out destructive behaviours perpetrated by men:
Many men have a bad habit of supporting their fellow-men when they misbehave, not because they endorse the attitude but because they need allies to cover them up.
Hold other men accountable by calling out any gender-based issue you encounter.
Please don't pretend that it's not your business, or everything will be fine.
Take the initiative and be intentional to call out negative behaviours among your friends if you notice something off.
Be intentional to show them the lead through your relationships/marriages or how you treat others.
Become an agent today, brothers. Use your social media platforms to speak about the way forward.
3. Train yourself to become a unique man:
It all starts from an early age. Don't wait until you get married or involved in a serious relationship before you see the need to start working on yourself, arresting your mind, practising a healthy lifestyle, seeking to evolve and building a healthy mental headspace.
Now is the time to train yourself into a unique man.
There are so many things a man comes across that will challenge him. Those who lose themselves make it to the news, and too bad its a bad news.
Be that man who has a grip on himself.
Be that man that others can look up to and use as an example worthy of emulation.
Wrap up
I want to invite you to another event I will be speaking at on April 28th. We will be focusing on the topic of Understanding Gender-Based Violence in Canada as Newcomers in Canada.
